Captain Caveman

Sincerest thanks to everyone who left a message about the Pepys Motet. I'm thrilled that so many of you enjoyed it, and grateful that those who thought it was rubbish chose not to say! 

I've just got on a tube and am trying to eat a pot of yoghurt. Sadly, the whole thing exploded as I took the lid off and now my lovely jacket has pink polka dots all over it. A similar thing seems to have happened to the lady next to me, but I daren't apologise because there's an outside chance she won't notice before being engulfed by a rain storm the moment she exits the tube! I'm praying for rain...

I wouldn't describe the yoghurt I'm now eating as a good. It tastes like a blend of grotty perfume and chalk dust and its after taste is that weird chemical flavour that always follows low fat food. I persist, however because by eating it I feel I'm losing weight. I looked at myself objectively in a mirror this morning and found Captain Caveman staring back. A stocky, hirsute club-shaped being with Disney eyes was standing in my bedroom looking at himself from a variety of angles. Thank God for my big puddle-coloured eyes...

I continue to unwind, and took myself off to Muswell Hill for a fabulous massage this afternoon. For the first time in ages, I managed to completely switch off and found myself drifting into a wonderful floaty place where the pan pipe music I was listening to transported me first to a supermarket via a lift and then onto a golden beach where the sun was glinting on a turquoise sea and someone called Precious was handing me a bright red drink in a coconut! 

The 8th November 1660, and Pepys had diarrhoea all day. At one point he got so badly caught short that he was forced to buy the most ridiculously expensive pint of ale simply so he could use the facilities.

Pepys got home incredibly late at night and found his wife waiting up for him. Heartbreakingly she'd had her hair done and wanted her husband to see it, and compliment it, before the pillow ruined the new look!