Wednesday 10 July 2019

Feeding the trolls

I am finding the world increasingly hard to understand right now and feel, more over, that there are ever-growing factions in the world who are expecting us all to polarise. We’re either “woke” or we’re white supremecists. If we agree with something Trump says, we’re evil. If we’re critical of a trans person, we’re transphobic. We can’t be a Labour supporter without being antisemitic. I feel myself polarising all the time. I did it with Brexit voters before I began to look into the manifold reasons beyond hatred of foreigners that people voted that way. And the business of Muslim people in Birmingham violently demonstrating against LGBT issues being taught in schools has taught me that we do need to have uncomfortable conversations about immigration and British values. It’s far too easy to leap on someone who makes this statement and criticise them for being a racist. Everything is nuanced. There’s no black and white. There’s no right or wrong. “The truth” if we bother to look, to quote Kate Bush, “lies somewhere in the middle.” And yet, for most of us would far rather it wasn’t.

The knitting community, on the outside, would appear to be a rather innocuous group. They display great acts of kindness by spending long hours knitting things for those they love. They go into yarn shops and rub delicate, soft yarns up against their cheeks and make purring noises. They cook lovely cakes and are a little eccentric but are essentially lovely, harmless people.

In the majority of cases, these statements are true. I’ve met some lovely knitters through Nathan. But yesterday I witnessed the seething, hideous under-belly of the community, and I don’t like it.

Over the last couple of years, an ever-growing group of people have been holding the community to ransom. They have negatively adopted a hash tag, “diversknitty,” which Nathan himself invented. Instead of promoting understanding and kindly pointing out when people have maybe spoken inappropriately, they routinely ride in, en masse, largely on social media, slamming people down for their apparent racist and misogynistic views. You take one on, the pack moves in and you’re torn apart. They boycott yarn festivals. Their profound vitriol has put designers out of business and they’re gleeful when they find out what they’ve done. Most, from what I can gather, are white women getting angry on other people’s behalves. People do not dare to take them on, so their views go unchecked. I suspect their very vocal and vicious posts are largely responsible for knitting website Ravelry’s wildly controversial decision to ban anyone expressing their support of Donald Trump, because “supporting Trump is supporting hate speech.” And yet, ironically, the hatred which glistens from this groups’ keyboards is worse than anything I’ve experienced from the far right.

Yesterday, Nathan made an appeal on social media for people to use the hashtag he created with more love and compassion. He has seen friends utterly destroyed by the haters and wanted to point out that the hashtag was supposed to be a tool for the promotion of ALL diversity rather than just those with a BIPOC axe to grind. Skin colour is, of course, a hugely important part of the diversity discourse, but Nathan has campaigned all his life for LGBT rights and has always used his social media platform to explore what makes people beautiful and unique. The direction his hashtag has gone in therefore feels very disappointing.

His Instagram post opened the doors to hell and the harpies rushed out like a fleet of dementors. I have never seen such ghastly online behaviour. Apparently, a white man asking for ALL knitters to behave with respect when discussing all aspects of diversity is specifically a white man addressing black women. And telling black women not to be angry is trying to silence them and that is a repulsive display of white man privilege.

Now, I have a degree of sympathy for an argument which says “we’ve been shat on all of these years, and we’re gonna shout as loud as we want.” I felt like that over gay marriage. I would even have a degree of sympathy for someone who felt Nathan was being a bit pompous - or even naive - for asking everyone to think twice before pulling the trigger, but I genuinely feel that rule number one in the quest for true equality is knowing who your friends are, and only going hammer and tong at your actual enemies. 

Instead, was he endures was a feeding frenzy at the zoo. Nathan was told that, with the hashtag diversknitty, he’d merely renamed a concept which had been around for a long time, and therefore was no no better than a colonialist renaming a country he’d invaded. He was accused of trying to silence black voices. He was accused of misogyny - well, from what I can gather, simply for being a man. He was accused of Nazi sympathising and White Supremacy. Message after message came in. 700 messages. Those who expressed support for him were instantly shot down in flames to the extent that they started messaging him privately out of the fear of what would happen to them if they did it publicly.

This is not a culture I recognise. It mustn’t be possible to whip people, to bully people, until they comply with your thoughts. Those who object are rendered utterly powerless.




I don’t normally get involved, but on this occasion felt compelled to support Nathan, and responded to three particularly obnoxious comments. I explained to the writers that, as gay men who’d lived through the 1980s, we understood prejudice and suggested they took their anger elsewhere. They say you shouldn’t feed the trolls, and boy I learned this lesson the hard way. It instantly kicked off. I was accused of being Nathan’s mouth piece. I was accused of misogyny and racism. “Not a good look”, one white girl told me, “to criticise a black woman for what she says about race. In 700 negative comments why did you only chose a black woman to have a go at?” I explained politely that I’d simply chosen the three most vitriolic comments and responded without looking at the photos of those who’d sent them. If she’d bothered to check, as I then did, she’d have seen that I’d taken issue with three people, two of whom happened to be white, but there’s no arguing with a troll. To the point I’d made about being a gay man in the 1980s I was told “yes, a gay MAN with white male privilege.” And then came the torrents of veiled homophobia. Nasty. Nasty. Nasty.




I soon backed off. The whole thing was making me oscillate between feeling hopelessly upset and utterly enraged at the injustice of it all.




I went for a walk and saw two homeless men walking down Ballards Lane. One was missing an arm. Both were white. I wondered what level of white male privilege had brought them to their knees.

14 comments:

  1. Dear Benjamin,

    Thank you so much for writing this blog post.

    I didn't see the original post on Nathan's IG but did look through some of the many comments on the post you did.

    My biggest wish is that people would treat each other with respect and agree to disagree with each other's views as long as it doesn't harm anybody. And luckily most poeple do.

    Surely we can't agree with everything but isn't that what makes us individuals? For me I couldn't care less what colour, sexual believes, hight, weight, nationality, religious believes, crocheter or knitter people have/are as long as they are a warm and loving soul who cares about their fellow (wo)men. And, yes, I have friends in all "categories" above and I see them all as human beings.

    Tanne
    xxx

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  2. Ravelry's policy came from Trump supporters harassing and doxing a woman of color. It was the final straw after months of rule violations with racist undertones from Trump supporters. Your ignorance of what has been happening in the knitting community comes across loud and clear, and it's no wonder that you see the negative reaction to your spouse's post as trolling instead of outrage that he's suggesting that people who are being cruelly targeted by racists or supporting those that are should be more polite.

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    Replies
    1. Stop. Just stop. He isn't ignorant and "racist undertones" by Trump supporters is ridiculous. Stop reading negativity into EVERYTHING.

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    2. How can you read anything other than negativity into doxing and harassment?

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  3. This is just sad. Welcome to the wonderful world of the internet, where anything that represents nuance, a middle road, a controversial but thoughtful post - you name it - is an invitation to vitriol. We seem to have crossed a threshold of decency online that makes this ok. The goodness of being "Woke" has been drowned out by the ironic intolerance that seems commensurate with feeling that way. We have lost the ability to not feel offended by anything that deviates from the spectrum of our respective worldviews. I don't think many people, and I include myself, are meant to be this connected.

    After the 2016 election here, I deleted Facebook from my phone. I still use it sparingly, but recognized that it was not making me happier. And oddly, though I wasn't a Trump supporter, my reason for leaving was the liberal side of my FB friends, who took to this platform whining and crying to an extent that was frankly chilling to me. One person in particular, someone smart enough to know better, told the FB masses that anyone that voted for Trump was a racist. I have many of my family and friends that did, and none of them did because they don't like people of color, LGBTQ, immigrants. I know them, and while I disagree with them on lots of things, they are good people.

    The answer, which is sad but I think reality at least for the foreseeable future, is to not engage. Expressing oneself online has become the norm for many, but I don't know that I need to know that much about anyone else, and if I post anything I should expect that even the most benign of musings could devolve into Godwin's Law because someone chose to be offended.

    Sorry this happened, and I wish I could say it won't again. It's a sad choice if you want to give a scorpion a lift across the pond.

    Cheers,
    Ronnie

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  4. Thank you for this post.

    I'm sorry. I'm sorry that Nathan is now in hospital because of this cult-like behaviour. (There's something about the "We mean this kindly and we're only trying to help you" tone that makes it feel cult-like.) I hope Nathan will be OK.

    I'm also sorry for being too cowardly to publish this under my own (knit-blogger) name.

    I'm not racist. I agree that racism is pervasive and must be challenged. But it's not a dialogue any more. It's two sides screaming at each other from across a great divide. This helps nobody. I can't be part of that. I can't understand why people can't say "I disagree with you".

    I hope that Nathan recovers fast.

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  5. Dear Benjamin, I apologise for posting anonymously. I hope you understand my reason, as I have already had backlash for my positive response to IG posts. I am not brave enough to do it again. I thank you for writing this. I wish you and all your family well.

    I saw Nathan's poem post and thought it was lovely. I read the kind messages and felt glad. I read the other comments with horror. (I had never seen such unkind comments before). I want to believe that those who wrote the hurtful things have the same ultimate goal as I do, and I believe Nathan does, that is:- equality and fairness for everyone. But the people who were 'outraged' by Nathan seem to think that most people are against them, so they attack (verbally and commercially) even those who would be 'on their side'. They seem to thrive on perpetual outrage.

    I have watched many of Nathan's YouTube videos, bought a pattern or two and met him in person at a yarn festival. He seems to me to be a lovely person and the love his family have for him is obvious and warming to see.

    I can imagine when Nathan feels better he could have a jolly good 'grammar rant' with this! I would love to see it.

    Kind thoughts and prayers for you all. KnitterAnonymous. X

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  6. I don’t think white male privilege means what you think it means or what it feels like to you when you hear it. It doesn’t mean your life hasn’t been hard. It just means your gender and your skin color weren't what was making it hard and other people who aren’t your gender and skin color have experienced oppression because they weren’t your gender and skin color.

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    1. Gosh - I guess I should tell the homeless white male down the road from my work that he's privileged.I'll tell him just how lucky he is as he wheels himself around in a shabby wheelchair. I do not think you understand that "white male privilege" is a made up statement to make angry people feel superior. Seriously. Stop. We're all trying to navigate this world together and all you're doing is tearing us apart.

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    2. No, understand your white homeless man is less likely to be arrested or searched than a black homeless man. A white homeless man is less likely to be sexually assaulted than a white homeless woman, a black homeless woman is infinitely more likely to be assaulted than either. If you truly don't recognise that just being born white affords you more certain measures of safety and opportunity that being born bipoc, then you are the one putting in measures of separation.

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    3. Okay, sweetie. Feel better now? Do you need a warm glass of milk to go with your nonsensical bullshit?

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  7. I want to thank you for this lovely post. I have used Ravelry for patterns for a long time, but never really used the forums, so I was caught completely off guard with their announcement. The more I learned about it, the more horrified and angered I became. I went there for knitting patterns, as a way to get away from politics and relax,and then to suddenly find this level of anger and hatred simmering below the surface... It was too much. I hope that somehow, we, as a people, can figure out how to move beyond this adolescent behavior of attacking anything and anyone we disagree with, because if we can't, we're going to self destruct completely.

    When I heard what happened to your husband, I was appalled. From everything I've seen about him, he seems like a good man, and completely underserving of this kind of treatment. I hope he feels better soon and can come home to you. My best wishes are with you both.

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  8. I didn't know who Nathan was before seeing this story elsewhere, and it breaks my heart that you even had to write this post. Please know that there is support for you both out there, and will continue. Thank you for your bravery. It's not easy when you know you'll be attacked. You're a lot stronger than I am. Hugs

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