Pointless stations

There's a tube strike today and many stations across London are closed. A woman with a voice like nails on a blackboard was sitting opposite me on the Central line earlier. She wanted to get off at Chancery Lane and was shrieking at anyone who'd listen; "if the tube's going through the station, I don't see why it wouldn't just stop." I think she'd slightly missed the point. There'd be no point in striking if it didn't cause disruption.

For my part, I'm thrilled! I've been all over London today, and sat on lovely empty carriages and whizzed through all those pointless stations like Goodge Street and St Paul's. My journey times have been halved. I reached Tottenham Court Road this morning in record time. Perhaps this strike will introduce people to the joys of walking!

Unfortunately, as I was exiting the tube earlier, a woman from London Tonight stuck a camera in my face. "What do you think of the tube strike?" she asked. "I think it's marvellous!" I replied "I've made it to my destination in half the time, and Oxford Street is empty!" She laughed. I walked away, wondering if my hat looked silly on camera!

I was less thrilled, however, to discover that I might have lost the studs from the shirt I hired from Moss Bros for the premier. I had no idea what they were for or where they went, so decided to leave them somewhere safe. Unfortunately, I've no idea where this was. I've been given 24 hours to find them or I lose an undisclosed amount from my deposit.

I retire from this blog entry, quoting an article I read in the Metro this morning, which upset me greatly. Many of us often feel as though we're up against it and the world is a tough place, but there's always someone worse off...

A paralysed man who is living in a tent by a canal said yesterday he had given up on life and was waiting to die, as temperatures dropped below freezing. Homeless Mark Payne became stranded by a lock in Oxford when his wheelchair got a puncture. The 52-year-old then refused to move. 'I'm just going to stay here and let nature take it's course,' he said. 'To be honest, I wish I was dead now. If they find my body, they'll cremate me and I won't have to wake up any more.' Mr Payne turned down offers to take him to a hostel but said he had accepted food and a tent from concerned passers-by last week. He added: 'I never knew people could be so kind.'

Poor Mr Pepys woke up 350 years ago to discover a “great deal of foul water come into my parlour from under the partition between me and Mr Davis [his neighbour].” He immediately went next door to report the problem, and Mr Davis promised to try and do something about it as soon as he could. Perhaps in an attempt to move the conversation away from matters faecal, he proceeded to announce that thieves had attempted to break into his house the previous night, which freaked Pepys out good and proper.

The world became a wonderful place again when he received his first quarter’s pay; “and do bless Almighty God that he is pleased to send us so sudden and unexpected payments of my salary so soon after my great disbursements. So now that I am worth 200l again.”

That’s alright, then. But with all those thieves around, we’ll have to hope our hero put all this money into a well-locked chest!