We're somewhere in Clerkenwell, in a chi-chi bar, absolutely surrounded by gay men who seem to know more about Eurovision than I do! (I know, impossible, right?)
I'm here with Brother Edward, Sascha, a lady called Sylvia and Michelle (who henceforth shall be known as "Little Michelle" to differentiate her from "Michelle of the Turkie" who I've been meeting for lunches at Somerset House of late. Little Michelle is actually rather tall!)
We're all at an event called "Second Cherry," a celebration of all the songs which finished runner up in their own countries' national finals. Sadly, there's no UK song to vote for, because, as we all know, the public in this country don't get to select their own Eurovision entry these days. Someone at the BBC merely dedicates an afternoon in her busy schedule towards thinking of a few has-beens who might want to subject an incredibly dull song on the rest of Europe.
The aim of Second Cherry is to give us our own mini-Eurovision competition, where we get to judge the songs and create our own juries. We're representing Finland today, which is good because the Finnish song is streaks ahead of the rest. Sadly, it's a ballad, the subtleties of which will no doubt be lost on a room full of poofs who basically want to dance and cheer whenever someone takes an item of clothing off, or a pretty boy winks at the camera! I can say that because I'm gay. And because, much as it pains us to acknowledge the fact, minority stereotypes do exist!