Sunday, 7 June 2015

Trolls

So, I'm currently sitting in a Travelodge in a place called Talke, which seems to be just north of Stoke On Trent. The Little Chef attached to it is closed, so I've had to order in a soggy veggie burger. I feel rather tragic eating it at my little Formica desk with the Nokia television to keep me company!

So why am I here? Well, tomorrow morning, I'm due to be talking on BBC Breakfast with Ben and Andrew from the cast of Brass. I say "due to be" because I've been bumped from a breakfast show before when there was too much news, so I'm praying there isn't a nuclear or terrorist attack in the night and that the monarchy remains safe and alive!

Ordinarily I would be staying in Manchester itself, but the prices of hotels in that ghastly city on a Saturday night are prohibitively expensive. I never supported the BBC's move to Salford, not least because, even if you get yourself to Manchester itself, you have to trek out to Media City on a tram which can take half an hour.

This is all making me seem incredibly ungrateful. The BBC buildings in Salford and the area around them are beautiful and I am hugely thankful to the BBC for giving us a slot to talk about our album. It is a northern show as well, so if it's not "Yorkshire" enough for BBC Yorkshire, then going to Manchester to promote it feels like the next best thing. And this is, of course, a national platform, which we wouldn't have chased had the BBC in Yorkshire promoted the piece. Funny how things work out isn't it?
I've had pineapple for pudding, which made my tongue feel a bit funny. Anaphylactic shock after a four hour car journey would have been just my luck.

Whilst standing at the reception here, phoning the take away place, a pair of absolute trolls came in to use the loos. They were basically wearing belts, bras, stilettos and nothing else apart from mahogany fake tan and so much makeup that they looked like shop mannequins. I have seldom seen so much flesh on display. And those girls weren't skinny creatures by any stretch! 

A group of men ogled them to within an inch of their lives, which made me realise that there's something very wrong with this world! The ludicrous Loose Women can go on as much as they like about women's lib, but the fact remains that in many places in this country of ours people operate on much baser levels!

I'm now sitting watching one of those casino shows on channel 5. It's perfect fodder for falling asleep to because no one says anything of any interest whatsoever. They simply talk rubbish. For hours. Like little wind up toys.

My eyes close. I sleep.

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