Thursday, 17 December 2015

No sleep

I didn't sleep very much last night. In fact, an extraordinary adrenaline bolt woke me up at 3am, and I was so distressed that I sat in the sitting room watching television until I drifted off to sleep again as the sun rose. Late night telly on Channel 4 is actually quite relaxing. I saw a repeat of Deal or No Deal where the poor lad only won £50 despite confessing at the start of the show that he was desperate for money, and then an episode of Countdown.

Not being able to sleep is deeply upsetting, especially when a million conversations are bouncing around in your head. Things you want to say. Things you wish you had said.

The last six months have stretched me like no other period in my life and I'm so overwrought that my body is now playing tricks on me.

Things got a little worse this morning, so we have given our quills and our computers a much-needed break and, in the words of Why Don't You, we've "gone out and done something less boring instead."

For the foreseeable future we will be trying to relax as much as we can. There is work to do, and it is stacking up, but it will have to keep. As Fiona keeps telling me, it's really important to look after your body. She says she's never seen Nathan and me looking so wrung out and stressed. She is right. I don't want a heart attack.

So, we went Christmas shopping at Brent Cross. It's not the most Christmassy place in the world, but John Lewis is a fabulous spot for buying presents that feel quite classy without breaking the bank.

We bought mince pies and sausages and hot-footed up the M1(1) to Thaxted for a bit of parental TLC. We watched Strictly It Takes Two, had a lovely meal at the kitchen table and then lit an open fire and sat in the living room until late, eating satsumas and Malteesers whilst playing a game involving song lyrics. It was just what the doctor ordered after such a stressful and frightening period of time.

We drove home under the path of scores of aeroplanes coming into land at Stansted. The lights on their undercarriages flashed eerily in the misty moisty sky. 

So that's me. A little more relaxed, I think, but still in danger of not sleeping tonight. Looking forward to a break from work. Nathan says he's feeling zen. He feels we've finally had the strength and courage to push a boulder down a hill, all we can do now is wait to discover where it's going to land!

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