Thursday, 10 October 2013

I went to the osteopath again today. My back pains are apparently being caused by a block of muscles tightening around my mid-spine as a result of bad posture when working at my laptop. When the osteopath asked how many hours a day I usually spend at my computer and I said "twelve" he laughed hysterically!

Diagnosis took a long time, mostly because, upon entering the clinic I immediately stopped displaying any symptoms. Sod's law. I felt like a total fraud. By the time we'd established the root of the pain, we'd sort of timed out on treatment, but he did manage some deep massage and a "soft roll up" or something which sounded a little rude and made me think of condoms.

As ever, I visited the British School of Osteopathy in Borough, where, in the interests of being thorough, all manner of processes need to take place involving tutors and things before any treatment can be done.

On my way there, I encountered an astonishingly annoying group of musical theatre students, all girls, all late for some kind of gig. One of them, a great tall lump of a creature, decided the tube aisle was a really practical place to practice her devellopes. I wouldn't have minded, but she was repeatedly kicking my laptop in the process.

The group reminded me of scenes from my youth. As a drama student we were always playing "look at me" games like that. Me and my mate Jo used to stage the most awful rows on the tube to see what people would do. There were proposals and split ups and "why are you sleeping with my sister?" role plays. Another friend of mine, with a cushion under her jumper, went into fake labour, and on another occasion we decided to see how many commuters we could get to join us singing "Kum Bye Ah." Desperate! I'd have smashed my mate's guitar!

So, when a nutter next approaches you in a public space, it's always worth wondering if they're a drama student doing character "research."

The weather has turned bitter and  freezing high winds and a smattering of icy rain remind us that the slow march towards Christmas has begun. I was beginning to worry a little that the trees we still surprisingly green for the time of year, but I'm sure weather like this will soon sort things out. Welcome autumn. It's rather nice to see you again!

The air was thick with the smell of wood smoke.

I'm now in a Starbucks on the Kings Road waiting to see my mate Abbie in cabaret. A group of modern day Sloane Rangers are sitting next to me. I genuinely thought they were taking the piss. They sound exactly like the character Jessica Hynes plays in 2012. "Totes chillax, peeps, ya ya. Daddy daddy. Horses. Ya ya. I don't have money for food because I keep buying art." I genuinely didn't think anyone spoke like that. Or had those morals. Or existed.

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