Sunday, 2 October 2016

Humpty

I walked past a woman today who had ankles like pillows. I can't imagine how that can have happened. She wasn't particularly large anywhere else. I was genuinely intrigued. They were gleaming white like Tippex, stuffed into a pair of socks, and they wobbled as she walked like a blancmange. There's not a great deal more to say on the subject, other than that I hope she's managed to make use of them in some way. She seemed to be walking unaided. If she tops and tails with her husband in bed, perhaps he won't need a pillow of his own...

I came into central London to meet Nathan for lunch and visit the Molton Brown store. I found a little tester bottle of their "Tobacco Absolute" shower gel at the gym last week and thought I'd try it out for a laugh. I very much like the smell, and have decided to buy myself a large bottle. So I went into town for the Molton Brown experience which is incredibly chi-chi. There are little sinks in the middle of the shop where you can wash your hands and try out the different hand washes. When you go to the counter you're asked if you'd like to be on their "guest list" which simply means, "are you okay with us bombarding you with pointless emails?" I should have known not to go into town on a Saturday afternoon, however. The pace of the tourists wafting about is insanely slow. Huge crowds of people shuffle along like they've got nowhere to go, and just want to stand in enormous crowds of people getting in the way of everyone with a place to be. It's horrible. Never again!

It's suddenly very Autumnal. I'm pretty sure it feels more Autumnal now than it did this time last year. The evenings feel cold, and this morning, after getting out of the bath, I felt a bit chilly. I rarely feel chilly. Maybe it's because we had a big, last-ditched blast of summer in September. Perhaps the weathermen are right when they say there's going to be 100 days of snow this winter, with temperatures plummeting from November onwards. It's something to do with our dysfunctional jet stream, apparently. Last year similar predictions were made but there was some sort of "lag" which gave us a reprieve. No such luck, we're told, this year, but who can trust a weather man? I love cold weather, though. I love a proper winter. It gets rid of bugs which have no place to be here, kills diseases and means I get to wear a winter coat without over heating. I spend much of my life wondering how to stop myself from overheating!The year I made the Tyne and Wear Metro film we had the coldest snap, certainly in my lifetime. I think it went down to minus 17 in Newcastle where I was. It was so cold, I was having to continually take myself into shops for a respite. And yet all the Geordies were out without coats and wearing their dangerous high heels on the hilly streets at night. The hot water system broke down in the Travelodge I was staying in. That was no joke, let me tell you! It seems like forever ago. I think it was 2010.

We're enjoying watching Strictly this year. I'm particularly impressed by this year's outfits which seem to move rather well. Obviously I shall look forward to Danny Mac dancing. He's an excellent mover. But I'm in two minds about whether he should be in the competition. Part of me loves the fact that he's paid his dues, doing three years in the chorus of Wicked, but the rest of me screams, "you trained at Arts Ed, the top drama school for musical theatre dancers in the country." Unfair advantage over the others? At least the judges are being tough with him. On a related note, I'm quite convinced there's something going on with Mr Mac and his dancing partner, Oti. You mark my words. They're very flirtatious! The first year Oti was introduced as a professional dancer, I misheard her name and genuinely thought they were saying Humpty. Which brings me full circle to the woman with pillows for ankles...

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