There's an awful advert for Macdonald's on the telly at the moment which features two women stuck in a lift. They make the most of the terrible situation by bonding the way that only women with their precious ability to respect and love each other can. One says "what lovely shoes" and the other one responds "would you like to try them on?" That bit always makes Nathan feel sick. He has a pathological hatred of feet. They play the name game with post-its and show each other photos on their mobile phones. Finally the rescue men arrive (men, you'll note), and prize open the lift doors, passing the girls a bag full of chicken dippers, or something similar. At this point the women turn nasty and refuse to share their food with one another. The message of the advert is supposed to be that Macdonald's food is just too tasty to share, but actually they're saying women are dreadful, fickle creatures, who would stab their new best mate in the back for a plate of chemically-enhanced chicken. One wonders how an advert like that is conceived. And I'm not necessarily sure we can blame male advertising execs...
I spent the morning with young Josh at the greasy spoon round the corner. We put the world to rights, talking about theatre and politics, before returning home for me to finally pay my tax bill. In the process of paying I dared to look at my bank balance and discovered, to my great horror, that a whole heap of fraudulent activity has been taking place on my account, mostly in the form of someone going for regular meals at a Weatherspoon's... And when I say regular, we're talking sometimes five meals a day: £30 here, £25 there, but all adding up to well over a grand's worth of shitty food during the course of January. That's one hungry thief! Typical me, really, to attract a foodie with the least classy taste buds!
Obviously my card has instantly been cancelled, but I was somewhat distressed to learn that the fraudster had also tried to pay for hotels using my details, but that all this money had been reimbursed. The hotels had obviously (rightly) decided it was a dodgy transaction. Quite why my bank hadn't noticed and then notified me about this curious activity, I'm not sure. The man I spoke to seemed as non-plussed as I was. All in all there were 44 dodgy transactions. I wonder if the fraudsters have any concept of who I am. Do they know my name? Have they wondered what sort of person I am? Have they googled me? I wonder if they feel any guilt at all for what they're doing to people? I bet they consider this to be a victimless crime.
So it would appear that the coward, Theresa May, is hell bent on not condemning Trump for his catastrophic policies on immigration, which, I'm convinced, will single-handedly make Americans public enemy number one in the face of Islamic extremists. I don't just think he's going to end up with a problem on home soil. I'm pretty sure he's also going to make Americans abroad the target for all sorts of nastiness. And yet Theresa May is so desperate to be loved by everyone that she won't openly condemn him. She poo-poohed the petition which is currently doing the rounds - until it started hurtling up to the 2 million signatures mark, when suddenly she sat up, thought "oh shit" and asked Amber Rudd to pour some scorn on Trump. (Note how she gets Rudd to do it instead of Boris Johnson because she can't trust him to do anything but make himself look like a giant areola.) I loathe that woman. She's a dick.