Inferno

My cleaning frenzy took me up into the loft today and I spent a very merry three-hour period emptying drawers and consolidating boxes like a crazy person. 

It suddenly struck me that one is only required to keep tax records for the last 7 years, so a whole heap of boxes filled with flimsy pieces of paper immediately went into the green Haringey recycling sack. 

As I carried the bag out to the street, I remembered our eccentric neighbour who likes to break open bin liners to see what interesting things he can find within, so, with no shredder, I decided my only option was to burn anything which had an address attached to it, which turned out to be almost everything.

I used the chiminea that Nathan had bought me for my birthday, took myself to the corner shop for a can of lighter fluid, and created a brilliant inferno which incinerated the lot, whilst simultaneously filling my neighbours' lungs with the stench of wood smoke! Goodbye tax from the 90s and early naughties. You won't be missed! 

I'm obviously not the only one in Highgate doing a big clear out, as the alleyway behind our house was blocked by a bed, which I was forced to carry out into the street. The mattress was sodden and the whole thing weighed a tonne. Rule number one about alleyways; they're not places to piss and dump litter. They're often the paths to people's homes. Remember that the next time you're out on the piss, or thinking a piece of litter ceases to be your problem if you can't see it any more.

The curios continue to appear in every corner of the house; a wheelie suitcase too small to carry a suit in, a curious Afro wig, a little bag filled with Scrabble letters and Tiddlywinks, piles and piles of useless stationery and a box of broken staplers. Heaven knows how I've managed to accumulate so much dreadful junk. 

We went to Ian and Jem's for tea. Lovely food, as ever, and hysterical stories about Broadway and West End shows. 

We rushed back at just gone midnight to take down the Christmas decorations. Does it count if you take them down after midnight on Twelfth Night? It is, technically, January 7th. With Nathan and me both unemployed at the moment, a run of bad luck is all we need!