Thursday, 17 January 2013

Metaphorical blood

The dental hygienist made a right mess of my mouth today. She's a crafty one, that one, and always tries to sell you stuff whilst you're incapable of speaking ‘cause she’s brandishing a dangerous-looking mirror. I almost signed up for teeth whitening today as a result of her wily ways!

She went in armed with an assortment of medieval torture implements which she jammed, scraped, drilled and bored into my gums. The resulting bleeding, which felt like a haemorrhage, was put down to my not flossing often enough.

...No love, you've just jammed an enormous metal pointy spike into my gob!

I went to the osteopath first thing and had to deal with a most horrific tube journey into central London. For almost an hour, I found myself crammed between an armpit and a chin. The tube smelt of bad breath and BO and seemed to grind to a halt in every tunnel. I felt like chicken in a piece of cling film.

I returned, aching a little, and found Nathan spitting metaphorical blood at the telly. Phil and Holly were interviewing some grotesque homophobe who was spouting bile about the corrupting influence of homosexuals and the fact that gay marriage should not be "taught" in schools. I'm not quite sure what teaching gay marriage would entail, but if he’s suggesting that any mention of gay marriage should be suppressed by teachers, then we're sailing dangerously close to the bad old days of Clause 28.

The lovely Holly, I'm pleased to say, made her contempt for the man very plain, and lost all objectivity as an interviewer by holding her head in her hands whilst he was speaking and confessing to being horrified by the results of the ensuing phone poll. 40% of This Morning viewers apparently believe gay marriage shouldn't be discussed in schools. Some grim woman then emailed the programme with that old familiar phrase that has haunted me throughout my life, “I’ve nothing against the gays... but...” Her particular worry was for her impressionable 7 year-old daughter. Frankly, if she’s more worried about her daughter becoming a lesbian than she is about her getting involved in a gang, she only has herself to blame if she completely goes off the boil!
It’s worth pointing out that the This Morning audience of pensioners, housewives, lazy students and the long-term unemployed is ever likely to yield a higher than average percentage of bigots and homophobes, but the poll was a sobering indication that the war for true equality has not yet been won.

1 comment:

  1. Extraordinary isn't it. I mentioned to my girls that you and Nathan were boyfriends, and they didn't question it at all. Why should they if it's presented to them as perfectly normal! Ellie x