Saturday, 11 May 2013

Stress head

I'm feeling slightly stressed and hungry. I've spent the day prepping things for tomorrow's recording session and taking a series of lengthy phone calls about White City. One of our contributors seems to have gone AWOL, and in my view there's little point in chasing him, because if he's letting us down repeatedly at this stage, I believe the situation will only get worse. My producer is keen to give him the benefit of the doubt, however, because he has the potential to be so damn good in the film. It's a quandary. 

Things took a slight turn for the worst this evening when the actress who's singing the lead vocals in Four Colours emailed to say she wasn't feeling very good and wasn't sure she'd be able to join us tomorrow, which has thrown me into something of a panic as it has about a million-and-one knock-on effects. We don't have the budget to hire a studio on another occasion when she's feeling better and we don't have the budget to ask the film crew who are coming to make a video of the songs (as a massive favour to the charity) to come back to film the actress on her own (even if we had the budget to hire a recording studio!) At the same time, it's not much fun for the actress because no one likes feeling pressurised to come in to work when they're feeling like crap! Another quandary. 

I guess it will be what it is, and that no amount of worrying about things will change what's written in the stars. It's never easy though, is it? There's always some kind of last minute panic with my projects. 

I reckon my problem is that I ask way too many favours from those who love me, because those who love me are so bloody talented! Unfortunately, however, people have the habit of reminding you from time to time that they're doing you favours. No one ever does it with malice or probably even consciously, and I'm aware that what I'm saying might just be a product of my worrying mind, but when someone tells me they can't rehearse because they're flat out busy or because they have paid work which they can't miss out on, a little part of me shrivels. I feel guilty. I feel selfish. I feel greedy. I guess I just hope there's some kind of clear pathway mapped out for me and that I'll soon find out if I'm  going along it in the right direction! We'll get there!

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