Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Blue

They say it never rains but it pours. I'm not altogether sure I particularly understand the saying, but I do know we are struggling a little tonight. Nathan was forced to go to a meeting this morning where he felt like he'd been shoved in front of a bus. Honestly: when you've worked really hard at something and gone out of your way to be friendly, open and conscientious at all times, it's really very rough to end up feeling scape-goated, bullied and unsupported. And when you are a freelancer there's not a union or a HR department to protect you, sign you off with exhaustion or simply check if you're ticking over. We feel lonely, undervalued and vulnerable. It seems the humanity of the project has been sucked out from all of its corners.

I guess there are tumultuous times likes these on all projects and they are usually born out of people caring. I think we probably care a little too much. We invest in things and become emotionally attached to the idea of them being good. And this isn't really an industry designed for people who care. This is an industry full of people who will happily stab you in the back, or, as Nathan described it today; stab you in the front!

There was a point at lunchtime when I simply wanted to run away and bury my head in the ground. Hiding from the sheer horror of people is sometimes a really lovely prospect.

But, as always, after much cyclic conversion between the two of us, we dusted ourselves off and started searching for more ideas to make the people stop shouting at us!

After not eating between breakfast and about eight o'clock tonight, largely as a result of stress, we treated ourselves to a pot of pasta from Papa Dels, which was a lovely treat in front of Sunday's Downton Abbey and allowed us to calm down a little!

We'll be alright. We're made of stronger stuff than most and one day we'll be able to look back on this period with great big smiles on our faces! But, as Nathan said to me today... "Remind me of today when they ask me to get involved in another television project..."

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